Trump’s Gold Immigration Card Visa for the Rich, and Russian Oligarchs

GOLD CARD CITIZENSHIP?? WAIT WHAT?

Oh, honey, buckle up, because this is the kind of absurdity that makes you question if you’re living in a poorly written satire.

Apparently, the man who built his political career on screaming about immigrants “stealing jobs” and “invading” the country has now decided that immigrants are just fine—as long as they’re rich enough to drop $5 million on a shiny gold card.

Yes, you read that right. Donald Trump, the self-proclaimed savior of American jobs, is now pitching a new scheme: a “Gold Card” visa for wealthy foreigners who can cough up $5 million to “create jobs” in the U.S.

Because nothing says “land of opportunity” like auctioning off citizenship to the highest bidder, am I right?

Let’s break this down, shall we? For years, we’ve been fed this narrative that immigrants are the problem. They’re taking jobs, they’re draining resources, they’re…

I don’t know, probably stealing your grandma’s secret apple pie recipe too. But now, suddenly, immigrants are A-OK—as long as they’re rolling in enough cash to make Scrooge McDuck blush.

So, what’s the deal with this “Gold Card”?

Well, according to the U.S. News and MSN articles, it’s essentially a fast-track visa for the ultra-wealthy.

Pay $5 million, promise to create some jobs (because, sure, every billionaire is just itching to open a factory in Ohio), and voilà!

You’re in. No waiting in line, no pesky background checks, just cold, hard cash and a golden ticket to the American Dream™.

But here’s the kicker: this isn’t just about money. Oh no, it’s about the right kind of immigrants. You see, poor immigrants—you know, the ones fleeing violence, poverty, and persecution—are still very much not welcome.

But if you’re a billionaire with a private jet and a penchant for gold-plated everything? Come on in, darling! The red carpet is rolled out just for you.

I guess the message here is crystal clear: America doesn’t hate immigrants. It just hates poor immigrants. And let’s be real, this isn’t exactly a new concept.

The U.S. has always had a soft spot for rich foreigners—just look at the existing EB-5 visa program, which lets wealthy investors buy their way into the country.

But slapping a “Gold Card” label on it and cranking the price tag up to $5 million?

That’s next-level audacity.

And let’s not forget the irony of this whole thing.

The same people who’ve been screaming about “protecting American jobs” are now offering visas to wealthy foreigners who, let’s be honest, are probably more interested in buying up real estate and dodging taxes than actually creating jobs for everyday Americans.

But hey, as long as they’re rich, who cares, right?

So, to recap: if you’re a poor immigrant risking your life to cross the border in search of a better future, you’re a threat to national security. But if you’re a billionaire with $5 million to spare, you’re a “job creator” and a “valuable contributor to the economy.” Got it.

In conclusion, this “Gold Card” scheme is peak hypocrisy, wrapped in a shiny, gilded bow; and hella illegal…but hey, what’s legal these days…

It’s a blatant cash grab that exposes the ugly truth about who’s really welcome in this country.

But hey, at least we can all sleep soundly knowing that the American Dream is still alive and well—for the rich, and they are good as gold at least.

Pun very much intended.

 

Sources # U.S. News and MSN