Healing from the Hidden Wounds: A Journey of an Empath Reclaiming Power and Self-Worth
My name is Markus J.K. Johnson, I am an Empath, and I’m on a healing journey after surviving a marriage with a covert narcissist. I hope you had a chance to read my first blog—it truly shapes the background for you to understand my story. If this is your first time here, welcome!
This is not about shaming or hurting anyone; it’s about bringing light to a difficult truth and offering a space for healing, hope, and transformation.
Love, in its purest form, is meant to uplift, heal, and connect. But when love becomes entangled with covert narcissism, it can slowly drain your spirit, leaving you questioning your worth, your sanity, and your ability to trust again.
For empaths, who naturally feel deeply and give endlessly, such relationships can be profoundly damaging.
As an empath, I understood love in its most raw and vulnerable form. I gave my heart, my time, and my energy without hesitation, believing in the goodness of others, especially the one I vowed to share my life with.
I thought I was building something real—something rooted in care, support, and mutual respect. But what I didn’t see at first, what I didn’t understand, was that covert narcissism wears the face of love, masking its true nature until it’s too late.
It’s a slow burn, a quiet erosion of self-worth, like the steady drip of water that eventually carves through stone.
When you’re caught in the grip of a covert narcissist, love becomes a weapon. It’s not the unconditional, nurturing force you once believed it to be. Instead, it’s a tool of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional exploitation.
Your feelings, your needs, and your boundaries are constantly invalidated, and what’s left is a shell of the person you once were. You question your reality, because the narcissist is never wrong.
They twist the narrative, distort the truth, and make you feel like you’re the one losing your mind.
At first, I tried to ignore the subtle signs, dismiss the odd behaviors, and chalk it up to misunderstandings. But the signs kept coming, one after another, like cracks in a glass I desperately tried to hold together.
Small lies, blame-shifting, and moments of praise that quickly turned into sharp criticisms. The empathy that once flowed freely from me now felt like an endless drain, pulling me into a vortex of confusion, self-doubt, and emotional depletion.
I gave and gave, but it was never enough.
What people don’t tell you about being an empath in such a relationship is the constant emotional tug-of-war.
You’re pulled in multiple directions, always trying to care for someone who never truly cares for you in return.
Their love, if you can even call it that, is conditional—dependent on how well you feed their ego and meet their needs. The moment you falter, you’re met with criticism, guilt-tripping, or stonewalling.
You’re left to question what went wrong, to constantly fight for your own sense of identity and worth.
I would find myself exhausted, drained, with no energy left to nurture my own dreams or ambitions. My emotional reserves were constantly being siphoned, leaving me with nothing but an overwhelming sense of emptiness.
I was gaslit so many times that I began to doubt my own intuition, even the truth of my own feelings. The love I thought I was receiving became a hollow echo, leaving me disconnected from everything that once brought me joy.
But through the darkness, I began to see the light. Healing started with acknowledging the truth that I had been living in a cycle of emotional abuse, disguised as love.
The first step was difficult—recognizing that it wasn’t my fault. I had been manipulated, controlled, and emotionally abused in ways that were almost invisible to the outside world. It wasn’t until I took a step back that I saw how toxic the relationship truly was.
But I’m here to tell you: You are not alone. If you are reading this, you have already taken the first step toward reclaiming your power, your self-worth, and your life.
There is a way out of the emotional fog. There is a path to healing, to rediscovering who you are beyond the narcissist’s grip. 
This is my story as an Empath, yes—but it’s also a story for anyone who has ever felt like their love was taken advantage of, for those who have given so much of themselves that they forgot who they were.
It’s a story of betrayal, emotional exhaustion, and ultimately, triumph. But it’s also a story that shows you don’t have to stay stuck.
It’s a journey that requires strength, vulnerability, and sometimes, stepping into the unknown. But it’s a journey that leads to a deeper understanding of self-love, boundaries, and resilience.
I stand here today, not as the person I once was in that toxic relationship, but as someone who has healed, who has found strength in the very vulnerability that was once seen as a weakness.
And so, I share this with you—not to dwell in the pain, but to empower you. You deserve better. You deserve love that lifts you up, that supports your growth and well-being, not love that drains you.
The Beginning: A Perfect Illusion
Love often begins as a dream—a vision painted in the soft hues of possibility and hope. When I first met her, it felt like the universe itself had conspired to bring us together.
She was a Cancer, warm and nurturing, with an emotional depth that seemed to mirror my own. In her eyes, I saw a reflection of everything I longed for: understanding, comfort, and a connection so deep it felt as though we had known each other forever.
I thought I had found my soulmate, someone who could match my passion and ambition as an Empath with a tenderness I had always yearned for.
As an Empath, a March Aries, I am driven by fire, passion, and an intense need to connect. I wear my heart on my sleeve, often too much for my own good. But with her, I felt like I had met my perfect counterpart.
Her sensitivity was like a soothing balm, tempering my intensity and making me feel safe in a way I had never experienced before.She was everything I thought I needed: gentle, caring, and in tune with my every emotion.
Together, we were an electric mix of fire and water, of bold ambition and soothing compassion—a combination that seemed destined to create something magical, the Empath in me smiled.
But like all illusions, the perfect picture soon began to crack, revealing a darkness lurking just beneath the surface. Looking back now, it’s clear the signs were always there, hiding in plain sight.
At first, they were subtle—small shifts in the dynamic that I convinced myself were just part of the journey. The way she subtly redirected every conversation back to herself, her words always measured to make me feel like I was the one who was lucky to be loved.
I dismissed it, telling myself that no relationship was perfect and that her need for attention was just part of her caring nature.
But the cracks deepened, and my intuition—my gift as an empath—started whispering warnings. Her compassion, which had once felt so genuine, began to feel surface-level, like a performance she had perfected over time.
She would offer the most profound gestures of care, I began to think that she was an Empath; but somehow, they always seemed to come with a hidden agenda. Each act of kindness was followed by an unspoken expectation.
It was as though the love I had given so freely was never truly reciprocated, and I found myself giving more, yearning for her to fill the empty spaces she left behind.
I was blinded by my own optimism, my empath spirit was convinced that love, in its purest form, was all that was needed to overcome any flaw or challenge. I told myself that no relationship was without its imperfections and that I was simply seeing things through a lens of idealism.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right, that something was off, yet I kept pushing it aside. I had fallen hard, completely entranced by the idea of her, and I didn’t want to face the truth that I was falling for a covert narcissist.
In the beginning, it felt like a dream. A perfect illusion. But with each passing day, that dream began to unravel, leaving me to wonder if the person I had fallen in love with had ever truly existed—or if I had simply created her in my own mind.
The Medical Crisis: A Defining Moment
The turning point came during what should have been an ordinary week, the kind of week where nothing out of the ordinary happens and life moves on as expected.
But on that morning, everything shifted. I woke up in excruciating pain, a deep, gnawing agony that gripped my entire body, so overwhelming that moving—even the slightest shift—felt like torture.
For two full days, I was trapped in our third-floor bedroom, unable to eat, drink, or even move without feeling as though my body might collapse from the sheer weight of the pain. Every part of me screamed for relief, but nothing came the Empath in me was dying slowly.
I called out to her repeatedly, my voice cracked with desperation, pleading for help. I needed comfort, a soothing touch, maybe just a glass of water. But instead, her response was cold, distant, and dismissive:
“Stop yelling at me.”
And then, as if my suffering meant nothing to her, she left.
Those two days were the darkest and most painful I’ve ever experienced—not just physically, but emotionally. The person I thought I could rely on, the one who I believed would hold my hand in the worst moments, vanished.
She didn’t check on me. She didn’t bring me anything to ease my suffering. Not a single gesture of care. By the second day, my body trembled uncontrollably from dehydration and exhaustion, and my pain intensified to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore.
With every ounce of strength I had left, I stumbled down two flights of stairs, barely able to stand, my vision blurred with tears and dizziness. I begged her to take me to the emergency room, my voice cracking with desperation.
For a fleeting moment, I thought she would finally understand the gravity of the situation, that the woman I had once believed in would rise to the occasion. She didn’t. But she did take me to the hospital.
At the hospital, the doctors quickly understood the severity of my condition. My body had been pushed beyond its limits, and I was in dire need of immediate medical intervention.
They prepped me for surgery, the kind of procedure that would determine whether I’d make it out of this alive. I was scared, but a part of me was relieved—I would finally get the care I needed.
After Surgery: The Ultimate Betrayal
I woke up groggy, disoriented, and in intense pain, the aftermath of surgery clouding my thoughts. But I was alive. That alone was a miracle. The doctors assured me that everything had gone well, but I would need rest, hydration, and constant care to fully recover.
As I lay there, hooked up to IVs, still processing the trauma my body had just endured, I thought—this is it. This is the moment when she will show me that she truly cares, that all the hurt I’ve endured will finally melt away in the warmth of her compassion.
Instead, her focus shifted back to herself, as if my vulnerability and suffering were mere inconveniences in her carefully constructed world. As the nurses prepared to move me into recovery, she turned to me with a casual smile and said,
“You don’t mind if I go to my hair appointment first, do you? Roger’s hard to book.”
I felt the world stop. It was as though the universe had delivered a harsh slap to my face, and for the first time, I saw her for what she truly was. I had just undergone emergency surgery, something that could have cost me my life—and her priority was her hair?
It wasn’t just that she left; it was the complete absence of empathy, the blatant disregard for my well-being. It was as though my pain, my existence, meant nothing.
Her world had always been about her, and this moment crystallized that truth in the most soul-crushing way possible.
She left the hospital without a second thought, leaving me alone in a sterile room, physically weak and emotionally shattered. The hospital bed felt colder than ever, the sterile air around me suffocating.
I lay there, questioning everything I had believed, everything I had given. How had I let myself be deceived for so long? How had I ignored the warning signs, the subtle manipulations that had always been present, right in front of my eyes?
The Fallout: Blindsided and Broken
When I finally confronted her about her actions, I was desperate for validation. For some acknowledgment that she understood the weight of what had happened, that she recognized the depth of the betrayal.
But she twisted everything, turning the blame back on me:
“You yelled at me. You made me do it!!!!”
She was never at fault. It was always me, always my emotions, always my reactions that were the problem.
It was a pattern I had seen before but never fully grasped until now. She couldn’t or wouldn’t take responsibility for her actions. She refused to acknowledge the pain she had caused, and in doing so, she left me feeling invisible.
The more I tried to explain my hurt, the more I was dismissed. Even in therapy, when I tried to process the emotional toll of her neglect and cruelty, she brushed it off with a callous remark:
“You’re still stuck on/in the past.”
Her inability, or perhaps her refusal, to recognize my pain was the final blow. It shattered any remnants of hope I had held on to. She could never see me, truly see me, for who I was.
To her, I was just another thing to manipulate, another piece to control in her endless game of self-centeredness–an Empath to kill slowly.
The emotional toll of her actions left me broken, questioning my own worth and wondering how I had ended up in a relationship that drained me so completely.
The betrayal wasn’t just in her actions—it was in the way she erased me, my needs, and my pain, as if they didn’t matter.
And that was the hardest pill to swallow: that the love I had given, the love I had so freely shared, was never truly returned. It was only used.
The Traits of Covert Narcissists
Covert narcissists are experts at hiding their true nature. They often present themselves as humble, caring, and even self-sacrificing, but beneath the surface lies a deep need for control and validation.
She even called ME a Narcissist, the crazy thing is, I am an Empath we cannot be narcissist, it is against our nature.
Key Behaviors of Covert Narcissists:
- Blame Shifting: They deflect responsibility, making you feel at fault for their actions.
- Emotional Invalidation: They dismiss your feelings, labeling them as irrational or overdramatic.
- Victim Mentality: They portray themselves as the wronged party, even when they are the ones causing harm.
- Control Through Guilt: They use guilt as a weapon to manipulate and control.
- Superficial Care: Their acts of kindness are often performative, aimed at maintaining their image.
It was RIGHT there the ENTIRE time, however, I never accepted nor acknowledged it, let alone make a clean break while I could. It easy for empaths to stay, especially when you grew up in an environment where your parents were MADLY in love and was not ashamed to show it!
As an Empath, I wanted to be loved, the same love my older brothers enjoyed, and the same love I wanted to show to my youngest brother so he could see what it looked like, I feel like I failed them, I feel like I traded in my facade with her, for my loving family….it sucks- JK
If you find yourself on a similar journey, know this: Your story isn’t over. In fact, it’s just beginning. You are worthy of love that fills you up, not drains you. Let that truth be your guiding light as you navigate your path to healing.
From Pain to Purpose: My Healing Journey
Healing wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Therapy helped me as an Empath process the trauma and recognize the patterns of covert narcissism. Slowly, I began to rebuild my life, finding strength in my story and purpose in my pain.
Now, I am starting to share my journey through podcasts, vlogs, and a book.
I’m writing to help others recognize the signs of covert narcissism and reclaim their power. The healing journey isn’t linear, and there will be setbacks.
But with each step forward, with each moment of reclaiming your peace, you are closer to the person you were always meant to be.
This story is about finding your voice again, about remembering the power that resides within you, and about realizing that your worth was never defined by the toxicity of another person. Healing is possible, and I’m living proof of that.
And above all, even if you are NOT an Empath, know that no matter how alone you may feel right now, there is a community of people who understand, who are healing right alongside you. Together, we rise.
English
Pingback: Today, I Forgive Myself: A Journey to Healing - The Culture Reset
Pingback: Grandiosity: The Illusion of Perfection - The Culture Reset
Pingback: The Dynamics of Intimacy with a Covert Narcissist: Psychological and Relational Implications - The Culture Reset